under / standings

Dan Chalykoff

danchalykoff@hotmail.com

Being Where Your Feet Are

Looking south across Lake Ontario from Oakville as the wind brings in white caps and torqued branches, November 2024

Being Where Your Feet Are

This is about knowing that your time and attention on Earth are finite. And acting accordingly. On YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MA1MSqqnNi0

Self-Control & Addiction

Boarded-up brick building with three gable ends facing Reynolds St., Oakville. Seen through trees.

Self-Control & Addiction

With self-control, life becomes manageable and meaningful. Without self-control, life is chaos and despair. View on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_q9ZGtAFh9w Image: Remnants of the original Oakville Trafalgar High School (1907-1992) seen from Reynolds St. through fall foliage, earlier this week.

Excellence vs Perfection

Late day light on Lake Ontario looking E from W side of Gairloch Gardens, Oakville.

Excellence vs Perfection

Go for excellence since perfectionism kills risk-taking, spontaneity, and joyful trials & errors. It also fosters eating disorders, anxiety, depression, and, by extension, suicidal ideation. To view on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9rXm-hw4M0&t=11s
One of the highest of human goals, self-actualization, is the source from which freedom and tolerance spring. To read, just proceed; to view on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOPArYJ19Js (Image of former Tea House, Gairloch Gardens, Oakville. Seen in late-day, fall light, November 2024.)
The call for causes greater than individual well-spiritedness are often calls to sacrifice for a greater good. That greater good has a leader, an administration, and a purpose that is unlikely to align with your best interest which is fully actualizing self.
The West is being torn apart by bad, empirically invalid ideas used to exclude whole segments of society. Instead, when we look at the plausibility of the G-d argument, we are left with beauty, nature, life, and love as those things entirely worthy of individual and small group faith, rituals, and reverence.
Knowing yourself and practicing tools (rather than naming them) are keys to stress management. If you prefer YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yX0w8oSJm18
This begins to synthesize ideas currently in play concerning helplessness, stress, and learned resilience. Image of a Lake Ontario sunrise from the East Pier in Oakville, earlier this week. If you'd prefer to watch this information delivered on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UXlNl899Zo&t=9s
This is a response to three questions posted by viewers of last week’s video, Stress, Arousal, Helplessness, & Recovery. We manage stress, and reduce harmful arousal, through consistent practice of simple tools. Image of Southeast Oakville on the date of publication.
Stress, arousal, helplessness, and recovery have arisen in my writing, clinical work, and in my own thinking--hopefully presenting these ideas explains them for you and clarifies them for me. If it's more convenient, here's a YouTube video of me discussing these ideas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtNOQyjHbw0

Summer ’24 Break

Lookiing east from Oakville, down Lake Ontario, July 2024.

Summer ’24 Break

This blog writer is on vacation until the next post on Saturday 7 September which, if things go as planned, will be the first of many YouTube videos working on the themes we have covered for four years: addiction, trauma, living with these, philosophical psychology and how all of these impact the communities and democracies in which we are trying to live well-spirited lives. Thanks for your loyalty and patience.

PART II: Process

Author’s photograph, Flowers, fence & house. SE Oakville, July 2024.

PART II: Process

Knowing where you stand on fundamental issues like free will (Do we have choices?), ontology (What is being?) and teleology (What is the goal toward which good people aim?) is a crucial aspect of self-confidence as it defines your relationship with your planet during your time. Author’s photograph, flowers, fence & house, SE Oakville, July 2024.
If we don’t know what we know—and how we know what we know—it is very difficult to argue with intentional obfuscators who insist nothing can be known. Using listed essentials from the Bible, Aristotle, Stephen Covey, Jordan Peterson, and Martin Seligman, this blog begins with the footings of processes required for those wanting to understand the cultural revolution happening around us. Author’s photograph, Lake Ontario looking East, after a hazy sunrise, Oakville, July 2024.
We make choices every minute of every day we’re alive. This blog provides bases, from five sources, from which we will extract the building blocks of processes providing us greater choice-making skills. Author’s photograph of red roses, Gairloch Gardens, Oakville, July 2024.
People trying to “save” those with addictive behaviours are as challenged as their addicted loved ones. This blog outlines life seen as a vector and the values-based or emotions-based choices we make every day. Image: Author’s colour photograph of the sun in a blue sky seen through the dense green leaves of a deciduous tree, June 2024.
Well-spiritedness, self-honesty, and non-dogmatic processes of knowing--how they are all related to a forward pathway. Author’s colour photograph of a lakeside pathway in Oakville, June 2024.
A defense of how well-spiritedness is enhanced by knowing what and how we know. Author’s colour photograph of granite and wrought iron gates and of the former Lakewood Estate, Oakville, May 2024.
More on why a well-spirited life depends on knowing what you know and knowing how you know it. Author’s photograph of late sunrise looking eastward across Lake Ontario from Lakeside Park, June 2024.
This blog deals with why a well-spirited life is dependent on managed processes. Image: Author’s photograph of spring in full motion, Oakville, May 2024.
This one's about borrowed values versus authenticity. Image: Author’s photograph of an individual tulip shining forth.
Beginning of discussion of people in groups as part of the forthcoming book, Individual Excellence: The 4Ps of a Well-Spirited Life. (Part I-B: Grouped People). Image: Author's pencil sketch of John Bowlby, 1907-1990, One of the founders of Attachment Theory.
Release of the chart, Dimensions of the Self, from the perspective of philosophical psychology, an excerpt from the forthcoming book, Individual Excellence: The 4Ps of a Well-Spirited Life. Part I-xii Soul
This week, grappling with emotion-based versus evidence-based reasoning as our excerpt from an in-process book, Individual Excellence: The 4Ps of a Well-Spirited Life. Part I-xi Soul
Sequential excerpt from an in-process book Individual Excellence: The 4Ps of a Well-Spirited Life. Part I-x Soul which concerns fundamental attributes of human beings, this week grappling with existential hula-hoops and dualism.
Sequential excerpt from an in-process book Individual Excellence: The 4Ps of a Well-Spirited Life. Part I-vii: Soul which concerns fundamental attributes of human beings, this week grappling with the responsibility of coming after the Holocaust.
Sequential excerpt from an in-process book Individual Excellence: The 4Ps of a Well-Spirited Life. Part I-viii: Soul which concerns fundamental attributes of human beings, this week clarifying definitions of “soul” and “existential phenomenology.”
Sequential excerpt from an in-process book Individual Excellence: The 4Ps of a Well-Spirited Life. Part I-vii: Soul which concerns fundamental attributes of human beings, this week moving into Enlightenment-based influences.
Sequential excerpt from an in-process book Individual Excellence: The 4Ps of a Well-Spirited Life. Part I-vi: Soul which concerns fundamental attributes of human beings, this week looking at the difference between traditional and Woke views on tolerance.
Sequential excerpt from an in-process book Individual Excellence: The 4Ps of a Well-Spirited Life. Part I-v: Soul. This passage concerns fundamental attributes of human beings, this week looking at Stoic attributes of the soul through the Serenity Prayer.
Sequential excerpt from an in-process book Individual Excellence: The 4Ps of a Well-Spirited Life. Part I-iv: Soul which concerns fundamental attributes of human beings, this week looking at Stoic attributes of the soul.
Sequential excerpt from an in-process book Individual Excellence: The 4Ps of a Well-Spirited Life. Part I-iii: Soul which concerns fundamental attributes of human beings.
Sequential excerpt from an in-process book "Individual Excellence: People, Purpose, Process, & Product." What follows is Part I-ii: Soul which concerns fundamental attributes of human beings.
Sequential excerpt from an in-process book Individual Excellence: People, Purpose, Process, & Product. Part Ib: People, which concerns attachment, habituation, and connection.
Part of an in-process non-fiction book Individual Excellence: People, Purpose, Process, & Product. Outline, Beginning of Part I: People
Introduction to an in-process book. Most of the 2024 blogs will be drafts of portions of that book.

Aristotelian Values II

Aristotelian Values II

Kalokagathia, or the pursuit of excellence, continued. (Lightly coloured pencil sketch of a young Viktor Frankl after a black & white photo image.)

Aristotelian Values I

Early spring image of Lake Ontario through the Rose Garden, Gairloch Gardens, April 2017.

Aristotelian Values I

Kalokagathia, or the pursuit of excellence based on who you are. (Coloured image, early spring looking toward Lake Ontario through the Rose Garden, Gairloch Gardens, April 2017.)

Stoic Values XI

Coloured image sunset at Oakville looking W across Lake Ontario.

Stoic Values XI

Why loving one’s fate is a Stoic step too far. (Coloured image sunset at Oakville looking W across Lake Ontario, January 2017.) In memory of Richie Dubois, gone too soon.

Stoic Values X

Coloured image of light through a windshield, water, and ice.

Stoic Values X

An Aristotelian challenge to the Stoic idea that having one virtue means we have them all. What does this tell us about getting into and out of addiction? (Coloured image of light through a windshield, water, and ice.)

Stoic Values IX

Coloured fall image of a random assortment of leaves from different trees and at different stages of colouration.

Stoic Values IX

Does having one virtue mean you have them all? (Coloured fall image of a random assortment of leaves from different trees and at different stages of colouration.)

Stoic Values VIII

Stoic Values VIII

Stoic virtues unpacked in clusters. (Image: Pre-sunrise Lake Ontario at Gairloch Gardens, Nov. '23.

Stoic Values VII

Gold plus, red minus, and orange approximately equal signs on a blue background.

Stoic Values VII

Given the uniqueness of each life, Stoic indifference falls short. (Image: Gold plus, red minus, and orange approximately equal signs on a blue background.)

Stoic Values VI

Differential light on red leaves, Oakville, October 2023

Stoic Values VI

Nature fails until conscious habits prevail. (Image: Differential light on red leaves, Oakville, October 2023.)

Stoic Values V

Colour photograph of autumn through a stone archway—Gairloch Gardens, Oakville, October 2023.)

Stoic Values V

Roots of alienation in an era of loneliness. (Colour photograph of autumn through a stone archway—Gairloch Gardens, Oakville, October 2023.)

Stoic Values IV

Coloured image of dark morning with bright yellow sun appearing over Lake Ontario at Gairloch Gardens, Oakville.

Stoic Values IV

Stoic determinism, fate, and goodness meets Aristotle's habituation. (Image of dark morning with bright yellow sun appearing over Lake Ontario at Gairloch Gardens, Oakville.)

Stoic Values III

Chance encounter of three birds, Adolphus Reach, and an inactive propellor, September 2023.

Stoic Values III

A reluctant argument on why randomness rather than providence shapes life. (Chance encounter of three birds, Adolphus Reach, and an inactive propellor, September 2023.)

Stoic Values II

Common rational purpose—alleyway, with shared by-lateral breezeway, downtown Gananoque, September 2023.

Stoic Values II

Arguments against Stoicism’s designed universe based on a humanistic criterion. (Image: Common rational purpose—alleyway, with shared by-lateral breezeway, downtown Gananoque, September 2023.)

Stoic Values

Main house from rose garden at Gairloch Gardens, Oakville.)

Stoic Values

The deterministic nature of Stoic reality. (Image: Main house from rose garden at Gairloch Gardens, Oakville.)

The Stockdale Paradox

Faith versus realism—a scale and explanation to test where you stand. (Image: Apollo 11 Moon Landing: Photos from 50 Years Ago, Courtesy, The Atlantic)

The Hamster Wheel

Congruence—the exit lane from the hamster wheel. (Image: A multi-panelled hamster wheel courtesy, Nobrand Silent Spinning Running Wheel)
Craftsmanship in recovery as a matter of optimum balanced order. (Image, Ground Floor Plan, Babson House, Riverside, Illinois, Adler & Sullivan, Architects, built 1908, demolished, 1960.)

Craftsmanship as a Life Skill IV

Craftsmanship of the self through self-control of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. (Image courtesy Classroom Mental Health)

Craftsmanship as a Life Skill III

Craftsmanship and recovery from addiction as seen in our relationship to urges. (Image, courtesy New World Encyclopedia.)

Craftsmanship as a Life Skill II

The craft, or well-considered means, of living a balanced life. (Image of 1961 Initial Edition of the E-Type Jaguar, Courtesy Jaguar, UK.)

Craftsmanship as a Life Skill

Craftsmanship as a way of being. (Image courtesy, Corner Prairie Living History Museum)

Relating: Meaning & Significance

Research on the meaning and significance of the word “relate”. (Image courtesy, YouTube: Boy, 7, and man, 64, answer life’s questions...)

Making Choices: Cost-Benefit Analysis

An open query using #SMARTReovery’s #cost-benefit analysis regarding the author’s near-term choices: book writing or a Ph.D.? (Cost-Benefit Analysis Graphic, Courtesy, Investopedia).

Maybe

Discussion about readiness as the precondition of leaving addiction. (Wind from the Sea, Edward Gordon with thanks to Helen Warlow.)

Well-Turned Souls

Why letting go of control is the Stoic formula for well-being. (Image: Courtesy, Bold Insights.)

Christopher’s Story-Annotated

An addiction narrative with some explanatory notes. (Image: Yew Dell, Botanical Gardens)

Withdrawal IV: Opioids

Description of withdrawal procedures from opioid use. (Image courtesy, USA Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2020)

Withdrawal III: Stimulants

Description of withdrawal procedures from stimulant use. (Structural schematics of dopamine & norepinephrine, courtesy, NIDA, 2023)

Withdrawal II: Hallucinogens

Description of harms of cannabis use and protocols, symptoms of withdrawal. (Image courtesy, Narconon Drug & Alcohol Rehabilitation, 2023)

Boundaries II

Layers of boundaries starting with tall grass against a trellis with a backdrop of conifers, Gairloch Gardens, Oakville, February 2023.

Boundaries II

More on boundaries—a vital part of parenting and successful relationships. (Trees, trellis, and tall grass boundaries, Gairloch Gardens, Oakville, February 2023)

Eustatheia: Keeping calm & carrying on.

Steadiness of purpose (eustatheia) or keeping calm and carrying on. (Image: London, England during WWII, where the slogan apparently arose.)
Research on the nature of families living with addiction. (Image: North shore of Lake Ontario from Oakville, May 2023)
Isolation, lost identity & fear of criticism in addictive families. (Two geese, Gairloch Gardens, Oakville, ON, April 2023.)
The addictive behaviours of the Family+Friends of those in addiction. Image: Reawakening (Scilla, those little purple-blue spring flowers)

In Active Addiction

No one starts out to become #addicted. A brief glimpse into that state of being. (Image: Van Gogh’s Sunflowers, 1887, Courtesy, Metropolitan Museum of Art, NYC.)

Maslow Redux: Purpose

Discussion of Kaufman’s (2020) revision of Maslow’s work particularly as that work concerns purpose, values, and integration of values. (Image of Maslow, 1965 courtesy, o’reilly.com)

Maslow Redux: Love

Discussion of Kaufman’s (2020) revision of Maslow’s work particularly as that work concerns love, we, I, self-compassion and #ClaireNuer. (Image of Maslow, 1965 courtesy, o’reilly.com)

Maslow Redux: Exploration

Discussion of Kaufman’s (2020) revision of Maslow’s work particularly as that work concerns exploration, avoidance, IQ, and self-actualization. (Image of Maslow, 1965 courtesy, o’reilly.com)

Maslow Redux: Self-Esteem

Discussion of Kaufman’s (2020) revision of Maslow’s work particularly as that work concerns self-esteem, both secure and insecure; intentionality, agency, and the role of values. (Image of Maslow, 1965 courtesy, o’reilly.com)

Maslow Redux: Connection

Discussion of Kaufman’s (2020) revision of Maslow’s work particularly as that work concerns uncertainty and acceptance. (Image of Maslow, 1965 courtesy, o’reilly.com)

Maslow Redux: Safety

Discussion of Kaufman’s (2020) revision of Maslow’s work particularly as that work concerns uncertainty and acceptance. (Image of Maslow, 1965 courtesy, o’reilly.com)

Maslow Redux II

Discussion of Kaufman’s (2020) revision of Maslow’s work particularly as that work concerns uncertainty and acceptance. (Image of Maslow, 1965 courtesy, o’reilly.com)

Maslow Redux

Scott Barry Kaufman’s revision & updating of Maslow’s work on security and growth needs leading to self-actualization. (Image of Maslow, 1965 courtesy, o’reilly.com)

The Reality and Experience of ADHD

The attributes and the reality of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). (Image, ADHD, courtesy, Association of American Women in Europe.)

Drinking (or Drugging) Alone

Why some people drink (and drug) alone. (Image: The Hangover (Suzanne Valadon), 1888, by Toulouse-Lautrec, Courtesy Harvard Museums, Cambridge.)
Fourth entry on the implications of turning the other cheek, as that concept relates to prayer and a common human inheritance. (Image, Waves, Lake Ontario at Oakville, 12 December 2022.)

On Turning the Other Cheek III

Third entry on the implications of turning the other cheek, and how it might lead to homogenizing conformity. (Image, courtesy, A River Runs Through It, Wet Fly Swing)

On Turning the Other Cheek II

Second entry on the implications of turning the other cheek, particularly as that might apply with a loved one with addictive behaviours. (Image, courtesy, Clipart Black and White.)

On Turning the Other Cheek

The first in a short series on the psycho-philosophical implications of turning the other cheek. (Image, courtesy, NASA, July 2015. A Day on Pluto, A Day on Charon.)

One Day is as All Days

A first brief look at the similarity of days. (Image, courtesy, NASA, July 2015. A Day on Pluto, A Day on Charon.)

Emotionally Immature Parents

An introduction to the idea of emotionally immature parents, how they work, and the marks left on their children. (Image, courtesy, Parents fighting stock illustrations – 212)

Attachment as Life Long Forcefield II

An outline of the causes and attributes of the secure, anxious-preoccupied, fearful-avoidant, and avoidant-dismissive attachment styles.

Remembrance Day

Two images of soldiers: one of a veteran of Vimy Ridge another of a WWII solider in Toronto with his three-year-old son in 1939.

Remembrance Day

Neither of my grandfathers, both Canadian veterans, would attend Remembrance Day services about which I, too, remain ambivalent. (Images, L: Streetlight banner used each Remembrance Day in Campbellton, NB, Courtesy Bob & Les Dewar; R: Private Rod Chalykoff and his three-year-old son, Ted, in Toronto, 1939.)

Attachment: A Life Long Forcefield

A brief history of attachment with a statement of its significant role in addiction. (Image: Huang, S. 2022, August 26, Simply Psychology.)

Choice Points & Stuck Points

A brief discussion of #choicepoints and #stuckpoints in #psychotherapy. (An image from Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (#ACT) showing the #choicepoint which clarifies the direction of our values.)

Resilience, Consilience, & Allostasis III

Part III of a three-part blog on the way that adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and trauma can shape the brain, body, and person. (Image, Fine Homebuilding).

Resilience, Consilience, & Allostasis II

Part II of a three-part blog on the way that adverse childhood experiences and trauma can shape the brain, body, and person.

Resilience, Consilience, & Allostasis

This blog opens a discussion of how trauma and stress can adversely or constructively affect human lives. (Image: The Triune Brain, Almuth Weigeldt, RP, 2022)

Self-Care 102

An example with definitions of how neglected self-care thrives in addictive cultures and families. (Image: Francis Bacon, Study After Velazquez’s Portrait of Pope Innocent X, 1953, Des Moines Art Centre.)

Self-Care 101

Yellow, pink, and white roses in a parterred rose garden.

Self-Care 101

An outline of the five parts of self-care and the need for resilience. (Image: roses at Gairloch Gardens, Oakville, 2.ix.22).

And Life is Like That

Coloured image of two crushed stone paths in foreground, within a rose garden. The dominant path heads for a sunrise over Lake Ontario.

And Life is Like That

A discussion of life’s terms on which well-spirited lives are mostly lived. (Two paths at sunrise, 20 August 2022, Rose Garden, Gairloch Gardens, Oakville, ON.)

That’s the Way

A deep blue image of water and sky in a pre-sunrise sky on Lake Ontario at Oakville.

That’s the Way

A tribute to and reading of That’s the Way, from Led Zeppelin III, 1970. (A deep blue image of water and sky in a pre-sunrise sky on Lake Ontario at Oakville.)

Education, Tolerance, (and Recovery)

An inferential examination of Helen Keller’s statement that the noblest outcome of education is tolerance. (Image: lone protestor, Tiananmen Square, 4 June 1989. Courtesy, U.S.A. Department of State.)

How we Change (II)

Image of large stones at the edge of Lake Ontario with smaller subsurface stone appearing through ripples on the surface, through sun and mist.

How we Change (II)

A discussion of Milkman’s (2021) How We Change as it applies to recovery from addiction. (Lake Ontario, with light, wind, and water, all in motion.)
A discussion of the third and final phase of recovery from addiction, the growth stage. Image: the ancient Greek amphitheater of Epidaurus (Peloponnese, Greece, 2019).

Stages of Recovery II: Repair

An outline of the repair stage (2nd of 3) that begins after the first or second year of recovery from addictive behaviours. (Image, courtesy, Mme. Carmel’s Homework Blog.)

Stages of Recovery: 1. Abstinence

A description of the stages of recovery from addiction focusing on the first stage: abstinence. (Maxwell Theatre, Augusta University.)

Purpose, Values, & Goals II

A resumption of the discussion on purpose and values and how they are the product of self-interest in one’s own life and affairs. (Image courtesy, The Compass Collector.)

Purpose, Values, & Goals (in Recovery)

Discussion of the role of purpose in a human life touching on values and goals. (Image: Sepia-toned image of an ancient Greek male squatting with a drawn bow, aiming at his chosen target. Courtesy, New York Public Library.)

Stew & June Daymond

Looking at the lake side of the organic modern Daymond House from the SW, 2009.

Stew & June Daymond

A remembrance and discussion of the overlaps in time and identity created in relationships both accidental and not. (Image: Looking at the lake side of the organic modern Daymond House from the SW, 2009.)

Two Images

Ways of seeing via two works of art. (Images, Blue Barn Green Field, Charles Pachter, undated, Courtesy, Heffel online; Don Quixote, David Nicholson, June 2022, Courtesy of the artist.)

Fear & Resentment II

Fear, resentment, self-actualization, and transcendence and some ways in which they relate. (Image: A painting by Christopher Pratt, 2011, showing a snowed in red boat, the snowy shoreline, and big water.)

Fear & Resentment

A discussion of the impacts of emotional suppression—especially hate & resentment—on a human consciousness. (Image of James Anderson in the role of Bob Ewell, in the movie, To Kill a Mockingbird, 1962.)

Shakespeare & Recovery

Role playing as authenticity in #recovery as in #Shakespeare. (Actor Ian McKellen in his last manifestation as King Lear, c/o The Evening Standard, 2018.)
A thrice-removed view of the texture created from the pattern of discrete eudaimonic events. (Image of an upward glance at a blue sky studded with small white clouds against which a gorgeous neo-classical cornice defines space.)
A discussion of #Seneca’s quote (from #TheDailyStoic) that life dictates seizing our chosen values with gusto. (Image: A gusty blue sky, apparently in motion, as the very temporary white with pink flowers, of a magnolia, are set to bloom.)

Legitimate Suffering

An answer to a reader’s question concerning the necessity of experiencing #legitamatesuffering as a means of #maturation. (Image: Auguste Rodin: The Burghers of Calais: Pierre de Wissant c. 1880.)

The Rational Person

The Daily Stoic’s April 22nd conception of a rational person. (Image: Rodin’s The Age of Bronze, c. 1876.)

“Minnesota” and the Place of Art

Art and meaning exemplified in a song discussed. (Image of Anat Fort Trio in concert by Yoel Levy).

The Rate of Change of the Zeitgeist

An attempt to understand the spirit of our current time, the #zeitgeist. (Image: Michiel Sweerts, Self-portrait with a skull, c. 1660. Interestingly, while locating this image, I came across a tweet from the art historian Simon Schama who revealed that the painting was most recently purchased by Alfred Bader, of Queen’s University, Kingston, fame. The skull had been painted over and was only seen again after the late Mr. Bader commissioned a restoration.)
Human lives viewed as processes expose different views and different strategies for forward movement. (Image: Dense shrubbery awaiting a new cycle.)
A consideration of congruence, ontological intensity, self-mastery, and adulthood as states of human being.

The Experience of Addiction

A first attempt to describe the experience--the being in addiction.
Studies on sponsorship in addiction indicate early attendance, being a sponsor, and community connection make recovery more probable. (A 9-yr old Blue Merle male Sheltie and a 4-yr-old Sable with white female Collie whose relationship fluctuates between mutual sponsorship and take-'em-down yard racing.)

Boundaries and Adulthood

Two questions: What is an adult and how do boundaries affect the evolution of adolescents intended for adulthood? (Image: Freedom, 2018, Jo Taylor.)
This blog answers a question about the psychological origins of the fear of other people’s opinions versus the fear of loud, visible, conflict. (Lake Ontario, looking southward, on a calm winter day.)

Assumptions VI: Assessment

This blog concludes a series on theories favoured by me in psychotherapy concluding with their bearing on an initial assessment. (Antique Scales by W. & T. Avery Ltd. of Birmingham, courtesy of sellingantiques.com)

Assumptions V: Black Holes and Other Life Stages

Reviewing major life stages provides an opportunity to ask yourself how you navigated that set of challenges and whether a change in perspective can alter that view of your past navigation. (Image of a black hole, courtesy, NASA)

Assumptions IV: A=A → Virtue Ethics → Stoicism → REBT

If what we feel, think, do, and perceive is not real, how can our analysis of those phenomena change who we are? A=A → Virtue Ethics → Stoicism → REBT

Embodied, Active, Situated Intelligence: Assumptions III

Embodied, active, situated intelligence is an idea of the self as manifest and expressed throughout individual being. (Image: Leonardo da Vinci, c. 1490, after Vitruvius, Gallerie dell’Accademia, Venice.)

(Bio-Psycho-Social-Spiritual) Assumptions II

A reflection on Jung and Hillman’s (1996) sense of the knowability and unknowability of the human soul. (Image, Jean-Paul Riopelle’s Untitled, 1957; Courtesy, The Met).

(Bio-Psycho-Social-Spiritual) Assumptions I

The self as a constant through each person’s life discussed with respect to the #70, Gospel of Thomas. (Rembrandt, c. 1665, Self Portrait with Two Circles, Kenwood House)

Before We Change

Change in a human life is dependent on agency, directed momentum, and plasticity. (Image, The Erechtheion, Acropolis, Athens, Greece, Fletcher, 1987).

Horses for Courses: REBT v DBT

Horses for Courses: Dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) and rational emotive behavioural therapy (REBT) help different people with different issues, both seeking to increase well-spiritedness. (Image: Jo Taylor, Breeders Cup.)

Coherence & Narrative

We're all autobiographers, and the better the story, the stronger our sense of coherence. (Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol, 1846, 11th Edition, Courtesy of Sotheby’s.)

Acceptance and Meaning

Lake Ontario seen from Oakville at sunset looking south in late fall, 2021.

Acceptance and Meaning

Acceptance and meaning smooth the waters for manageability, comprehensibility, and coherence, the prerequisites of Antonovsky’s salutogenesis. (Lake Ontario seen from Oakville at sunset looking south in late fall, 2021.)

Acceptance as Faith

Acceptance as faith. If we accept the worst of what happens, despite not liking it, we decrease its ability to traumatize our lives = salutogenesis.

Coherence & Salutogenesis

In pursuit of some positive psychological interventions, their logic led me back to the roots of mental hygiene: Antonovsky’s salutogenesis. (Image, courtesy, Goseeko.)

Use Your Resources & Count Your Blessings

Two positive psychological interventions, "use your resources" and "count your blessings."

Mental Hygiene

Mental hygiene: maintaining a clean, well-oiled, and fully functioning psyche. (Image, courtesy, Redbubble posters.)

The Battle of First-Order v. Second-Order Values

It’s another marshmallow test: homeostasis brings up the battle between first-order (perceived need) and second order (desired value) values, especially if you’re trying to kick addictive behaviours. (Imange, Courtesy of Higher Education Quality Council of Ontario)

Invisible Chains: Homeostasis in Addiction

Homeostasis, our tendency to return to equilibrium, is not an advantage in all situations, particularly during active addiction. (Unnamed, undated sculpture by Auguste Rodin)

Fear of Decision-Making

An examination of the reasosn career choice is so much more than it seems. (Image courtesy, Mauvelli)

Energy, Engagement, & Connection

There is no fountain of youth. But there are keys to lifelong vitality. (Image courtesy, The Guardian)
We pick up John’s story on the day he ditches his cocaine habit, looking at one set of steps that can bring him home to himself.

Barriers to Clarity

What’s holding you back? Csikszentmihalyi, in The Evolving Self, says it’s the way you see things; the #biased lenses through which we view ourselves, our lives... (Image: Courtesy, Export Development, Canada)

Controlling Your Mind

Life is challenges. Recovery from a reversal steepens the climb. In Csikszentmihalyi’s The Evolving Self, now a quarter-century old, he defined some steps required to climb that ladder. The thing is, climbing that ladder is no more (and no less) than becoming fully yourself. (Image: Courtesy, mouti.net/self-control/)

Flow & Recovery

Flow, Recovery and How They Work Together. (Image: Courtesy, ideas.ted.com)

Exiting the Stages of Change & Neuroplasticity

Exiting the Stages of Change: Looking at neuroplasticity and the disease model. (Image: Courtesy, https://www.vectorstock.com)

Exiting the Stages of Change

Exiting the Stages of Change: A step too far? (Image: Courtesy, https://www.vectorstock.com)

How We Change

How change happens in a back-and-forth manner between denial, first-tries, success, lapses, and growth. (Image: Courtesy, https://www.robives.com/blog/stick)

Judgment and the Stages of Change

Facing the pain is entering contemplation or even preparation within the Cycle of Change, which is movement in the direction of order. (Image: Fear of Judgment @ Stephenson Coaching)

Love & Addiction

Love & Addiction: The Way Out is the Way Through (Image: Concentric circular targets)

Withdrawal I: Alcohol

Supervised withdrawal from heavy alcohol use saves lives. (Image: InterWorks: Creating a Waterfall Chart)

Emotions versus Values

Or, as Marcus Aurelius asked, "What am I doing with my soul?" (Image: Jan Matejko, 1862, Sad Clown)

Lewandowski’s 41st Goal

Being an agent capable of achieving goals may be more important than actually achieving them. (Image courtesy, Bleacher Report.)

The Process

One boring brick at a time: The Process via The Daily Stoic (Image courtesy, Shutterstock.)
Self-Transcendence in Maslow’s Hierarchy: The Self Remains

Maslow and Self-Actualization

Self-Actualization in Maslow’s Hierarchy: Surpassing Self-Preoccupation (Image, Harvard Business Review)

Maslow and Aesthetic Growth Needs

Maslow's aesthetic growth need as a gateway to gratitude. (Image, Interior, The Frick Collection, NYC, Michael Bodycomb)

Maslow and Cognitive Growth Needs

Cognitive Needs in Maslow’s Hierarchy and the surprising tenacity of deficiency needs. (Image, clevertap.com)

Maslow and Self-Esteem Needs

The perplexing relationship between being and being seen--as outlined in Maslow's self-esteem needs. (Image, practicalrecovery.com)

Maslow’s Love & Belonging Needs

Love & Belonging Needs in Maslow’s Hierarchy (Image of adult Collie with pup courtesy, thehappypuppysite.com/collie)

Maslow’s Safety Needs

Safety Needs: Forgetting is Attainment (Image of Elmer the Safety Elephant, courtesy Elmer’s Safety Village)

The Basics: Physiological Needs in Maslow’s Hierarchy

A look at things we too often take for granted. (Image of Abraham Maslow, 1908-1970, courtesy holisticeducator.com)

p: Happiness Requires Responsibility

Dr. Jordan Peterson, in an excerpt from his latest book, claims that happiness requires responsibility. This premise is tested in this blog. (Image: Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, courtesy McLeod, S., (2020 Simply Psychology).
A response to languishing in a pandemic. (Image of a rusted steel newel post with wound railing amongst fresh spring flowers on a pathway.)

Recovery & Identity II

Wrestling with your own angels: Recovery as transformed identity. (Partial image from Doré’s Jacob Wrestling with the Angel, 1855 showing a man in ancient rust-coloured robe wrestling with a strong feminine, white-gowned figure.)
Recovery as transformed identity. (Image "a to a-prime.")

Resilient Balance: The Dimensions

Change it up— know the parts of wellness. (Image courtesy, the medium.)

Resilient Balance: First things First

When you’ve got lemons… slice segments based on YOUR #resilientbalance. (Image courtesy, communitypartnersinc.org)

Know Thyself VI: A Summary

Summation: Know Thyself: Harmonize what you can change with what you cannot change, and you will be well. (Image: Aristotle, “The philosopher.”)

Know Thyself V: Know the Costs

Knowing thyself is knowing when to hold and when to release. (Image: Sculpture of Arjuna, By Ilussion - Own work, CC BY 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=4893787)

Know Thyself IV: Know Your Personality

Paradoxically, knowing thyself is not a DIY project. (Image: CanovaThorvaldsen – Photo Flavio LoScalzo, Gallerie d’Italia, Piazza Scala, Milan.)

Know Thyself III: Know the World

Knowing thyself means differentiating between information anxiety and understanding our fundamental belongingness on Earth. (Image: (“World Knowledge, Courtesy, ToughtCo.)

Know Thyself II: Movement

Character is good habit formation. 2,500 years after Aristotle we know habits can be re-built, renovated & improved. (Photograph from Motion Dance Center of dancer Misty Copeland.)

Know Thyself

Photograph by author of Delphi, Greece, May 2019, where the sky appears to be radiating outward from the force of the truths first made public some 2,500 years ago.

Know Thyself

Socrates’ “Know thyself” is discussed in terms of addiction to intoxication per Jonathan Lear’s (1988) explication of Aristotle’s take on that famous tenet. Image: Delphi, Greece, May 2019.

Psychological First Aid

The necessity of psychological = mental + spiritual first aid. Image, courtesy Canadian Red Cross, Bell Let’s Talk.

The Cost of Compassion II

Compassion fatigue is a real demonstration that empathy and compassion are (individually) limited resources. (The inverted arousal curve or Yerkes-Dodson Law, courtesy, Healthline.)

The Cost of Compassion

The cost of compassion & empathy. (Logo of band, Blood, Sweat, & Tears.)

Choosing Victimhood: Logotherapy III

Depression as a verb: Viktor Frankl and Logotherapy: Conscious agency versus silent consent. (Depressed floor planes, Boston City Hall, Kallman, McKinnell, & Knowles, 1968.)

Choosing Victimhood: Logotherapy II

Viktor Frankl and Logotherapy: We choose our roles as victims or agents and we choose our degree of occupancy of those roles. (Image courtesy @VictimNoMoreUK, January 2021)

Choosing Victimhood: Logotherapy

We choose victimhood or agency: Viktor Frankl and Logotherapy. (Image of Viktor Frankl, courtesy, Maria Popova, Brainpickings 19 August 2019.)

Broken Chains

Strong chains of actualizing behaviour are built by purpose, community, contribution, and meaning.

Persist and Resist

Persistence and resistance are the essence of Stoicism and boundary defense. They are also a formula for values-based forward movement. (Image by Richard Bennett in Sail, 2018.)

What’s Old and New

Original OTHS library from SW, Barrie Erskine, Oakville Beaver, 21 January, 2001.

What’s Old and New

The OT lands and erasures in time. Image: OTHS Library from SW, Barrie Erskine, Oakville Beaver, 21 January, 2001.

Equus at Avalon

Image of house, Avalon, Oakville, c. 1989.

Equus at Avalon

A self-indulgent, retrospective glance at Oakville and the spirit of place. Image of Avalon, a small Oakville estate demolished c. 1990.

Emotions and Tail-chasing

The image of a dog chasing its own tail parallels conducting one’s life in pursuit of feelings rather than values. (Courtesy, VCA Animal Hospitals, Why Do Dogs Chase Their Tails?)

Emotions and Values

In an emoji-mad world, if we lead our lives in pursuit of feelings, we risk long-term pain. Leading lives in pursuit of values brings short-term pain and long-term gain. (Types of Basic Emotion, Verywell, JR Bee in Cherry, 2020.)

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes

If we are being led by our emotions, we have not identified values, goals, means, or rules of conduct; we’re re-acting not acting for our own growth. (The triangular shape, lower case Greek delta, is a symbol of change.)

Recovery as Investment

Investment is usually thought of as placing money in an asset whose value is expected to grow. Self-investment is no different, but the strategy and expectations are that YOU will grow. Image: Man Reading by Candlelight, c.1648, Rembrandt van Rijn, Clark Art Institute.
Acceptance involves facing brutal reality ASAP to foster forward movement in life; resistance postpones the inevitable, too often until the horse has left the proverbial barn. (Lake Ontario looking east from Gairloch Gardens, Oakville.)

Acceptance Deployed

View of the spires of the rebuilt Cologne Cathedral (1248 CE) overtop the 1980s Koln Philharmonic building where the Keith Jarrett’s Koln Concert was recorded 1975: the layered acceptance of historical fabric.

Acceptance Deployed

Loving your fate (amor fati) is persevering with what you can and ought do in the face of life’s inevitable struggles. (Cologne, with the river behind the photographer August 2016, steps from the Opera House.)

Acceptance & Amor Fati

SMART Recovery’s Unconditional Life Acceptance vis-a-vis Nietzsche’s Amor Fati, that you love your fate as a means of acceptance. (The Three Moirai (Three Fates), relief, grave of Alexander von der Mark by Johann Gottfried Schadow, Old National Gallery, Berlin.)

Acceptance & Stoicism

Per Epictetus and U.S. Vice-Admiral James Stockdale, the ability to distinguish what is in your control and what is not--while maintaining faith--is supreme acceptance. (Edited image of Epictetus from a post by Donald Robertson, Epictetus: Stoicism versus Epicureanism, 2 May 2016.)

Acceptance

Image of a light dappled Lake Ontario on a serene summer’s day.

Acceptance

SMART Recovery encourages universal life acceptance. This blog argues that such acceptance reduces needless expenses of psychic energy while increasing your wellbeing.

Perfectionism IV

In art as in life, striving for perfection is less likely to succeed than striving for contextually sensitive excellence. (Promotional image for “The Perfection” Netflix.)

Perfectionism III

Perfectionism locks people into performance-preventing knots. Life goes by without the participation of the perfectionist because she’s too worried about imperfection to jump in the ring and simply enjoy the experience, come what may. (Mies van der Rohe, Farnsworth House, Plano, Illinois, 1945, Getty Images.)

Perfectionism II

The borrowed image for this blog is of a large grown man, angrily pointing an accusing finger at a young boy in an aggressive, even hostile manner. And in front of other adults, and probably teammates. Without question, this is one of the downsides of organized activities lead by people of insufficient ego—a not uncommon occurrence. (Image courtesy of John Saddington, Soccer Coach)

Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a vice, a should-based obsession preventing necessary learning to perpetuate an illusion of stainlessness. (French Cross by Alex Colville, 1988, Private Collection.)

Why did I use? Summary

Photograph of clarity across Lake Ontario on a clear, sunny summer day at Edgemere, Oakville, Ontario. Dan Chalykoff

Why did I use? Summary

Why did I use? In summary, this informal review finds that 1) people behave addictively for an unmeasurable number of combinations of genetic, cultural, and personality factors; and, 2) that on-the-street recognition of similar symptoms precedes clinical categorization. (Image: Looking South from Edgemere, Oakville, 7 August 2020.)

Why did I use? VII

A photograph of Olympia, an ancient Greek site at which the combined forces of Apollo and Dionysus were necessary for competition. Dan Chalykoff

Why did I use? VII

Art and personality both require measures of the Dionysian and the Apollonian for completion; veering into either extreme is danger, balance is vital health. (Image, Olympia, Greece, 2019)

Why did I use? VI

The slippery slope of addiction is related to snow in two ways: seemingly manageable downhill slides become treacherous when conditions change, and control is lost. Similarly, snowballs are known to grow by accretion, that is, as they roll in wet snow, they involuntarily gain mass, like addictive behaviours. (Image: Turner, 1842, Snow Storm: Steam-Boat off a Harbour’s Mouth, Courtesy, Tate Gallery, London.)

Why did I use? V

Why did I use? Loneliness is an increasing problem of social disconnection that some researchers cite as a primary cause and sustaining factor of addictive behaviours. (Automat, Edward Hopper, 1927 Courtesy, Des Moines Art Center, Iowa)

Why did I use? IV

Why did I use? Many emotions are hard to face. They bring pain. That pain can be faced and addressed at source or it can be depressed, medicated, or ill-behaved away. But it will come back. (Man with Opium Pipe, Image courtesy, Science Museum, London.)

Why did I use? III

Why did I use? III Mischel’s (1960) marshmallow experiment actually included strategies for success to some of the children able to resist immediate gratification of the reward circuit. (Image courtesy, Philosophy by the Way, 2018)

Why did I use? II

Why did I use? Incremental use is cited as one cause of addictive behaviour, but that label can mask the personality traits and environmental factors that made incremental use appealing. (Image courtesy, globalnews.ca 2020)

Why did I use?

Why did I use? Answering this question well is probably the most resilient foundation that can be built to support a lifetime of recovery from addictive behaviour. This blog lists reasons for use and briefly examines cultural factors.

Mirror, Mirror

When addictive behaviour is arrested, sobriety begins. But sobriety triggers maximal vulnerability of one’s identity or self-concept. Recovery is about re-forming identity through sustainable narrative.

Sobriety versus Recovery II

Sobriety is not using. Recovery is learning why you used and correcting for better more self-controlled performances on the human stage called life.

Sobriety versus Recovery I

Recovery is striving toward a fully realized you; sobriety is obsessing over not using.

Resilience – The Summary

Resilience isn’t about the best list or the best approach, it’s about seeing that acceptance of life’s terms, positive-minded goal setting, and grateful persistence are the usual suspects in this caper.

Resilience #7–The Bounce-back virtue: Keep Buggering On! (KBO)

KBO, Churchill’s abbreviation for Keep Buggering On, was a cry to and for the downtrodden to get back up, smile, and keep fighting for the values they deem worthwhile i.e., resilience.

Resilience #6 – The bounce-back virtue: Meaning, beauty, and narrative

Meaning, beauty, and narrative are not afterthoughts applied to chaos. They are tools used to build resilience by understanding one’s life as a connected series of meaningful stories held together by the substance of an optimistic human life.

Resilience #5–The Bounce-back Virtue: Act. Tenaciously.

Life stories, life chapters, and each week within each chapter has direction and momentum. Both come with choices. Choose values-based, positive ends for the direction of your days.

Resilience #4 – The Bounce-back Virtue: Game It

In order to be resilient, activating the reward circuit in the brain i.e., making a new challenge into a game, allows more success than stressing about it.

Resilience #3 – The Bounce-back Virtue

The third factor, in building resilience, is a rigorously honest but positive resource assessment.

Resilience #2: The Bounce-back Virtue

To build resilience requires the Stoic virtue of moderation. While no longer a current virtue it's contemporary equivalent is self-control or self-discipline. This blog describes how self-control is applied to danger and recovery.

Resilience #1 – The Bounce-back Virtue

Resilience is the ability to roll with the punches. Psychology is finding this to be a "buildable" virtue. This blog is the beginning of a series on building resilience. This blog focuses on acceptance of the things you can control and the things you can't control.

Scheduling as Survival

About the long history and virtuous utility of scheduling, even of "unimportant" events or tasks. A checked-off schedule feeds our sense of efficacy and self-control while providing quiet satisfaction.
A remembrance of Lorne Charlton, a fellow student at Oakville Trafalgar High School during the 1970s.
Concerns a death I'd been dreading as it marks the passing of era. An era in which citizenship as stewardship was valued.