Perfectionism

23 September 2020

In an August 2020 (COVID-19) online meeting of SMART Recovery, attendees asked if the group could occasionally discuss subjects related to addiction, but not necessarily covered in the Handbook.  I encouraged people to email the facilitator (me) subjects of interest.  The first of those subjects is the value of perfectionism.

I fear perfectionism.  As I wrote to the attendee, who kindly raised the subject, the first point of clarification is philosophical: is perfectionism a virtue (or a vice)?  In Greek, arete is the word used for virtue, but it has a parallel meaning which is excellence.  I see the pursuit of excellence and perfection as antithetical; that is, I see perfectionism as the death of excellence and the birth of neuroses.  It is a vice.

Etymologically, neurosis evolved from two Greek roots, neuro, tendon or nerve, and osis, describing a state or condition.  Not too far from those Greek roots, Galen (129-210 CE) a Roman physician, surgeon, and philosopher, considered neuroses one of the dimensions along which personality could be measured, another being extraversion.  In contemporary parlance, “the neuroses” is (almost infamously) associated with Freud and his followers.  One of those, Karen Horney, is of significant relevance for her characterization of neurosis as a focus on the “shoulds” of others.  So, what does all this word history have to do with perfectionism?

My main premise is that perfectionism is a should-based obsession which, when indulged, prevents more explorations (and growth-inducing trials and losses) than it fosters victories.  As such, this investigation becomes about how perfectionism wreaks its inhibitive havoc.  The short answer is that perfectionism induces such fear of inadequacy that it ties its sufferers into knots of anxious paralysis. 

For example, a young woman wants to be a successful striker (front-line goal scorer) for her soccer team.  Almost everything she hears from her father and friends is that she’s not good at sports and best to follow academic pursuits.  Her fear of appearing unskilled is so overwhelming that she won’t allow herself to practice in public i.e., on a soccer pitch or in a gym.  In fact, she’s so far from the mark set by Canada’s Christine Sinclair or Brazil’s Marta, that she can’t bear to face her own self-described pathetic dribbling, inaccurate passes, and over-the-bar strikes. So, instead of practicing to build up skill, she hides from (temporary) early awkwardness to foster the illusion of perfection.  This is an example of a fixed versus growth mindset, where we will begin next week.

Dan Chalykoff facilitates two weekly voluntary group meetings, as well as private appointments, for SMART-based counselling services at danchalykoff@hotmail.com