20 May 2020
In the two prior blogs on resilience, knowing & accepting and self-control were identified as key components of building resilience. I learned the third process in architecture: assessing & documenting existing conditions.
As an architect, before beginning design work, you need to know the unique characteristics brought to bear by your client, the site, old structures, public agencies, budget…in short there is a need for a rigorously honest but positive resource assessment.
As a human being, trying to enact positive change in your own life, that same need exists. What does that mean? It means a no b.s. survey of what you’ve got, what you want, and how to leverage those two in an always positive light. This is the art of the possible. If it’s possible, you should give it a go. It’s like positive self-talk for people with really low self-esteem: If they are unable to say, “I can stay sober for the next day” then, instead, say “Maybe I can stay sober for the next day.” Significantly, in giving yourself permission to fail (“maybe”), you are also giving yourself permission to try.
If, after trying to stay sober for a whole day, you only made it until 5:00 p.m., then you’ve learned something valuable and necessary about your conditions of success: you need to plan around the 5:00 p.m. road bump. And that brings us back to the cyclical nature of becoming more resilient, for we need to go back to virtues no. 1 and 2. Knowing and fully accepting that there’s a problem at 5:00 is essential for refining your strategy. Self-control is equally essential because if, after lapsing the night before, you freak out and give up the next morning, you’ve sacrificed your recovery and your serenity.
On day 2, you deploy your refined strategy and make it to bed without having a drink. That’s day 1, one of the hardest days, under your belt. And you got there building resilience by insisting on realistic but positive resource assessment. With disciplined corrections.
I enjoy these blogs. It helps reinforce my need for resillience, positive self talk, honesty and the knowing and accepting of my addiction.
Thank you for the information it is greatly appreciated!
That’s great to hear, Sue. If they help you, hopefully they help others, too. But one is enough to justify the effort.
Often I do certain things, or have certain thought processes without even realizing it. I put things I have learned into practise unconsciously. It is awsome to have some capable of dissecting the way the human brain works and put it into words. This allows me to understand it and make sure I make it a permanent habit.
Hey Charlie, I can’t take a lot of credit for pioneering an understanding of the rational animal. More just understanding those who’ve done that research, analyzing, synthesizing, and reporting. However, I’m delighted to hear that, overall, this works for you. Thanks for letting me know–I appreciate it.