Self-Care 102

1 October 2022

In the preceding blog, the ways and means of self-care were considered.  This week, we’ll look at the sad predictability of neglected self-care amongst those with a loved one suffering through addiction.  What unfolds is the cyclical and inter-generational transmission of a culture of disorder.

One parallel, between those in addictive families and mental health workers, is that newness to either situation makes one more vulnerable.  Sim et al., (2016) found that it was the newer practitioners who were most vulnerable to neglected self-care.  That neglect can spiral into compassion fatigue and/or burnout. 

Back to the transmission of disorder.  Let’s imagine a situation in which a newly minted counselling psychologist is boarding with a family whose young adult son has spun into addictive behaviours.  That young man, Donny, has come to seek solace and relief from his intense social anxiety by using alcohol, before, after, and sometimes during social encounters.  This has become so habitualized, in the first two years of his university life, that it is rare to speak with Donny without smelling alcohol on his breath.

The boarder, Linda, new to real life addiction, has studied the cycle of change, the neurology of addiction, and how Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help change an addicted person’s thinking.  She is a helper by nature and profession, so she speaks with Donny, when she sees an opening.  But Donny doesn’t want to hear about addiction, CBT, or the twelve steps; Donny doesn’t see his behaviours as addictive but as a useful, if sometimes disruptive, means of helping him get along.  He sees alcohol as a loyal friend and ally.

Linda sees alcohol as a dangerous means of slow self destruction.  She sees Donny as a young man whose life is obviously worth living, so she points this out to Donny and adds that it doesn’t have to be this way.  We can imagine how Donny feels around Linda.  He probably feels judged, condemned, misunderstood, and a victim of moral and social condescension.  He begins to avoid Linda, going so far as to strategically time his arrivals and departures from home to avoid interactions.

Linda is neither dull nor emotionally unaware.  She feels hurt, rejected, and ignored.  By her own standards, Linda’s trying to do a good thing.  And she’s doing this as a caring professional who knows, much better than Donny, how his story is likely to play out.  You get the picture.

Sim et al., (2016, p. 384) provided the enviably concise definition of burnout as “fatigue, disengagement, and feelings of ineffectiveness.” Compassion fatigue is a decrease in “one’s empathic ability to recognize pain in others, motivation to respond to it, and a psychotherapist’s ability to experience the painful emotions of the client” (Bearse et al., 2013, p. 151).  In our fictitious example, Linda is already experiencing feelings of ineffectiveness and a sharp reduction of her ability to empathize with Donny.

Now forget about Linda and imagine you are the wife, husband, parent, or child of Donny.  You’ve been singing from the same song sheet as Linda for years, perhaps even decades.  Or, even more poignantly, you were raised in a family with an addictive parent or sibling and then married into the same culture.  What is the effect on your soul—and on Donny’s soul—of this downward dance?  In one word: depletion: Depletion of heart, hope, resources, relationships, and health.  These are the effects of compassion fatigue and burnout, places you don’t want to visit. 

Those who come from the culture of addiction share many challenging attributes like a tendency to isolate, a fear or resentment of authority, the helpless psychology of victims, feeling responsible for correcting others’ troubled lives, and a strong tendency to repress emotions while reacting to situations rather than acting to accomplish self-determined goals (Adult Children of Alcoholics, 2006, pp. x-xi). 

Back to self-care.

Per last week’s blog, we itemized spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional, and social (SPIES) forms of self-care.  I hope the contrast of the examples of fruitless “helping” and the five components allows you, dear reader, to see how inexpensive self-care really becomes.  By taking a few moments to breathe or a week or two to visit an inspirational place, you can re-set your self as someone whose soul returns to fuller being.  That’s self-care 102. 

Dan Chalykoff is working toward an M.Ed. in Counselling Psychology and accreditation in Professional Addiction Studies.  He writes these blogs to increase (and share) his own evolving understandings of ideas.  Since 2017, he has facilitated two voluntary weekly group meetings of SMART Recovery.  Please email him (danchalykoff@hotmail.com) to be added to or removed from the Bcc’d emailing list.

References

Bearse, J. L., McMinn, M. R., Seegobin, W., & Free, K. (2013). Barriers to psychologists seeking mental health care.  Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, Vol 44, No. 3, 150-157.

Scott, E. (2022, May 23). Five self-care practices for every area of your life.  VeryWell Mind.

https://www.verywellmind.com/self-care-strategies-overall-stress-reduction-3144729

Sim, W., Zanardelli, G., Loughran, M. J., Mannarino, M. B., & Hill, C. E. (2016). Thriving, burnout, and coping strategies of early and later career counseling center psychologists in the United States.  Counselling Psychology Quarterly, Vol. 29, No. 4, 382-404.

Adult Children of Alcoholics, World Service Organization. (2006). Adult Children of Alcoholics: Alcoholic/Dysfunctional Families.