30 September 2020
Last week we left off after naming Dweck’s (2016) concept of fixed versus growth mindsetsin relation to the vice of perfectionism. The high-achieving academic teen, who wanted to be a successful striker on her school’s soccer team, was so paralyzed by the fear of failure that, instead of beginning skill drills at a low level, she avoided that embarrassment and failed to turn up for the team try outs. What she won, was the illusion of perfection for without the self-perceived shame of having to build up skill from a low level, the illusion of stainless perfection could be polished and left in place.
What does the harbouring of such an illusion foster in this young person’s soul? My first response is that it fosters fragility, the need to defend an illusion, and a greater fear of life, all of which pushes this person further along the scale of neurosis. That works as follows: our soccer player knows, at some level, that she has failed to grow out of fear of ridicule or embarrassment. That fear is added to because, again, at some level she also knows that it’s now going to require greater effort (more mental resources) to deny the truth of her failure to learn. Similarly, polishing her false image of perfection will require more mental energy.
Together, those two falsehoods drain resources that could otherwise be devoted to growth. Her “necessary” lie also leaves our aspiring striker more vulnerable to negative self-talk and social censure, both of which increase her fragility and entrench her resolve to remain in a fixed mindset. “...in the fixed mindset it’s not enough just to succeed. It’s not enough just to look smart and talented. You have to be pretty much flawless. And you have to be flawless right away (Dweck, 2016, p. 24).” It’s funny how things happen. As I typed “have to” twice, above, spellcheck suggested the more economical “must.” Anyone who’s been through the SMART Recovery Handbook, might recognize Albert Ellis’s famous pun, musterbation – a compulsive desire to honour all those shoulds set by others.
“Believing that your qualities are carved in stone—the fixed mindset—creates an urgency to prove yourself over and over. If you have only a certain amount of intelligence, a certain personality, and a certain moral character—well, then you’d better prove that you have a healthy dose of them... [The] growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts, your strategies, and help from others (Dweck, 2016, pp. 6, 7).” Challenging therapy, productive recovery meetings, or rigorously honest introspection...foster a growth mindset.
Dan Chalykoff facilitates two weekly voluntary group meetings, as well as private appointments, for SMART-based counselling services at danchalykoff@hotmail.com
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