Christopher’s Story-Annotated

24 June 2023

What follows is new for this blog.  The original text, of an addictive journey, Christopher’s Story, was sent to me by an affected family member (AFM) with a loved one suffering addictive behaviours.  She kindly highlighted portions she had heard discussed in the SMART Recovery Family + Friends Sunday night meetings.  I thought that was pretty cool and I also saw a number of components of Christopher’s story that I have heard relayed in other addictive narratives.  So this blog follows Christopher’s story and adds insights or comments where they might help readers.  The story is in bold font, the AFM’s comments are in red, and mine are identical to this sentence.

When Christopher Cage had his first sip of alcohol at 16, he immediately liked the way it helped him fit in and cope with anxiety.  This sentiment is expressed at nearly every speaker meeting I’ve attended, in 12-step groups.  I have heard it expressed as follows: 1) “I went from being a guy no one ever noticed to the most popular guy in the room”; 2) “I felt normal for the first time”; and 3) “After feeling that way, why would I not do this again—like every day!?”  The underlying point is that people use addictively because it helps, as Christopher said, to cope, deal with social, psychological, and/or physical pain.  Clearly, what began as helpful, quickly became harmful but—in two decades of listening to these narratives—I have yet to hear a person say, “I set out to become addicted.” 

The Stevensville resident, who grew up in Niagara-on-the-Lake, says the way alcohol brought him out of his shell led to him trying cocaine. Both became a weekly habit for Cage, who started missing work and other commitments as addiction slowly but firmly took control of his life.  What’s interesting here is more evidence in support of the opponent-process theory.  That theory states that a user will begin drug use in search of the high or intoxication.  As use becomes more frequent, tolerance begins to build and, to achieve the same level of high, dosage (or drug mix) must increase.  As dosage increases, withdrawal becomes deeper and stronger and, before long, the user is seeking to kill the low of withdrawal, not seek the formerly ecstatic high.  

In his early 20s, he decided to get help by going to Niagara Health Withdrawal Management Services (detox) in St. Catharines. The service offers individuals a safe place to stop using substances and puts in place referrals and treatment plans after detox.

For Cage, the cycle continued for years, which he says included getting arrested for impaired driving. In his attempt to evade police, he says he crashed into a brick home. The experience made Cage want to change his life; however, he says he convinced himself he could control it on his own.

Cage recalls spending Christmas Eve in 2018 with his children, his wife and her parents, which was going well until liquor started flowing.

“As usual, I had blinders on,” he says. “I picked up my first drink and it was game over at that point. Once I put alcohol into my body, I cannot shut it off.”  That last statement takes a very long time for people to believe.  In fact, the causal event probably goes back to sustaining the belief that you can have even a sip.  Until those with addictive behaviours have the strength and courage to face their vulnerability, to that inevitable sequence of events, addiction is winning.  And when addiction is winning, it gains strength.  But—the very same is true for recovery.

That same evening, he left to get drugs and wound up getting into a bar fight.

“I went to my buddy’s house and slept on his couch because by that point, it was 7 a.m. and I was too embarrassed to go home, where my kids were waiting for me to open up gifts,” he says.  This is where the rubber meets the road.  My empathy for those children is a mile deep.  In SMART, we have meetings for addictive behaviours (AB) and meetings for affected family members (AFM).  Both parties will remember that Christmas for the rest of their lives.  The guilt suffered by Christopher is a stain many users don’t feel they have the right to remove—so they beat themselves up, which only increases the chance of a lapse or relapse.  Often the AFMs will forgive a recovered AB long before he will forgive himself.  This has become such a prevalent finding for me that I have begun incorporating compassion-focused therapy into my work—for both parties.

On the surface, Cage had his life together: he owned a house and truck, had a stable, well-paying job and was living with his wife and their young sons. Beneath that, addiction was unravelling his life, and in April 2022, Cage’s wife kicked him out of the house. He had about $7,000 to live on his own.

“Instead of being frugal, I was living like I was 50 Cent,” he says of the famous rap artist. “Addiction makes you think that no one but you and whatever you’re addicted to matters.”

A few weeks after being kicked out, Cage had spent nearly all his money on hotels, alcohol and drugs, and had gone days without sleeping. He made an unsuccessful attempt to return home.

“In the months following, my wife told me she was so close to letting me back in because she loved me and was afraid I was going to die,” he says. “The reality is, if she let me back in, I might be dead now.”

I am not a proponent of tough love per se.  That stated, the adherence to well-defined boundaries is a critical component of successful relationships—and lives.  The sentence above, underlined in red, says it better than any evidence I can provide.

Cage made the decision to go to detox and seek further treatment at Niagara Health’s New Port Centre. He says it was a decision between either “getting help or dying.”  Different people have different turning points often called rock bottom in 12-step groups.  I’ll hit you with a few more 12-step sayings to make this point: Nothing changes if nothing changes yet it takes some people a very, very long and costly time to become sick and tired of being sick and tired.  The pain, along the way down, for the AB and the AFMs, affects both for the rest of their lives.  The more fortunate ones get to share that pain—and love—with each other. 

The New Port Centre offers individuals life skills, coping skills and the opportunity to process some of the challenges that drive their substance use, while residing in a safe and sober environment throughout the 21-day program.

“When I arrived at New Port, I was met outside by Ryan (Blodgett), who remembered me from when I was at detox years earlier,” says Cage. “I knew I wasn’t just a number and never felt judged. I felt safe right away, and I hadn’t felt that way for a long time.

“New Port is structured in a way where if you want the resources, they’re right there, but they’re not pushy or regimented. I was allowed to push as much as I wanted or could take a step back.”  This is critical: It doesn’t matter what the therapist or the doctor or the wife or the kids want, it matters that the person with the addictive behaviours is committed to putting addiction behind her.  In fact, pushy family members can prolong the addictive time by provoking more resistance.  Live and let live. 

Cage eventually reconciled with his wife and says he’s still working through the disappointment he has in himself, but is focusing on the lessons he’s learned.

“Addicts aren’t terrible people,” says Cage. “We’re just missing a piece, somewhere.”  I agree with the first statement and disagree with the second.  People with addictive behaviours start out, mostly, by seeking to fit in better.  Maté, (2018) maintained that there are 3 conditions necessary for addiction: 1) a susceptible organism, e.g., Christopher Cage; 2) an addictive substance or behaviour, e.g., alcohol or cocaine; and 3) stress or trauma.  Having stress or trauma is not a vice, it’s an unfortunate life circumstance that requires well-directed work to overcome.  No one is a bad person for suffering either of these conditions to such an extent that drug use seems a better way out.  It’s just a long and sad route to well-being.

Blodgett, clinical supervisor, addiction recovery services at Niagara Health, says destigmatizing the morality associated with drugs is crucial.

“You hear a lot of ‘If you use drugs you’re bad’ or ‘Watch out for these kids,’” he says. “We don’t all come from the same walk of life and we all have different coping mechanisms to deal with challenges.”

Niagara Health works with many mental health and addictions community partners, such as Community Addiction Services of Niagara (CASON), to offer help for every stage of recovery, all the way from withdrawal management to after-care services.

“There’s way more support available than people think,” says Blodgett. “So many people struggle with addiction and it isn’t socio-economically dependent. You can be very successful, have a job, a car and a house and still struggle with addiction. Addiction knows no boundaries.”

Cage says he spent years thinking he was a failure.

“In reality, I just needed help,” he says. “If you need it, seek out help.”  Well said.  The conditions for recovery are a willing person, well-directed actions, disciplined practice and application. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, recovery services are offered across Niagara. Learn more at https://www.niagarahealth.on.ca/site/addictionrecoveryservices

Dan Chalykoff is (finally!) a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying).  He works at CMHA-Hamilton and Healing Pathways Counselling, Oakville, where his focus is clients with addiction, trauma, burnout, and major life changes.  He writes these blogs to increase (and share) his own evolving understanding of ideas.  Since 2017, he has facilitated two voluntary weekly group meetings of SMART Recovery.  Please email him (danchalykoff@hotmail.com) to be added to or removed from the Bcc’d emailing list.

References:

Maté, G. (2018). In the realm of hungry ghosts: close encounters with addiction. Vintage Canada.

Pressé, M. (2023 11 May). Hospital Spotlight: 'I just needed help,' says former Niagara addict as he shares recovery journey. https://www.niagarahealth.on.ca/site/news/2023/05/11/hospital-spotlight-i-just-needed-help-says-former-niagara-addict-as-he-shares-recovery-journey