27 July 2022
Last week we looked at the first of three stages of recovery from addiction. In this blog, the second stage is explored. For those just encountering these ideas, the first stage is abstinence (1-2 years’ duration), and its main tasks are not using and learning how to deal with urges/cravings. The second, the repair stage (2-3 years’ duration), is the subject of this blog.
Melemis (2015), our primary source for this series of blogs, stated that the main purpose of this stage is to repair damages brought about by addictive behaviours. As with many life-processes, the middle stage is the hardest to endure as it arrives without the novel joy of recovery or the satisfying closure of leaving addictive culture in the past. This is the slog. But slogs have their own rewards.
The middling nature of the repair stage may explain why those in it often feel worse (for a short time) than they did initially. The work is hard: confronting the damage done. That damage, per Melemis (2015, p. 328) is found in “...relationships, employment, finances, and self-esteem.” If this weren’t enough, the psychology is challenging: we must learn to better manage negative self-talk and guilt. Melemis listed a series of tasks that he described as developmental.
The final points about this stage are simple to understand, hard to do: “...the common causes of relapse in this stage are poor self-care and not going to self-help groups” (Melemis, 2015, p. 328).
Before closing, we’ll look at both of those points. There are probably many more, but let’s start with a few things we can do to improve active attendance at self-help groups. Active attendance means showing up at your meetings—and they are your meetings as you’re as much a part of that group as anyone else—prepared to work. Preparation means bringing a willingness to listen and learn. It also means reading and thinking about the material the group will be discussing. How important is this subject in your life? Be honest, if it doesn’t matter, understand why it doesn’t matter and share that. Your opinion will probably spark some good discussion.
Next, participate. If the facilitator asks a question, especially about an experience you feel strongly about, or have gone through, share. Be prepared to answer one or two open questions per meeting. Participation can also mean listening with a pencil and paper. Write down the main points speakers are sharing. Think about those points. Being there makes the meeting more cohesive and meaningful for you and others.
Buddy up. Find another group member you get along with and talk to that person about how you like the meetings and what you like. Or what you’d like to see improved. Become accountable to that person for showing up and participating.
Finally, make it a point to welcome or encourage someone just starting out. Or someone having a rough week with lapsing, failing to meet a goal...the issue is less important than the fact that you’re paying attention and find their story worth participating in. As someone who’s been facilitating addiction groups for nearly 5 years, and attending them for 20, one of the things I hear most often from newbies is, “Wow, I thought I was all alone. I’m not the only one going through this.” No, you’re not.
The second cause of relapse, during the repair stage of recovery, is poor self-care. There are dozens, probably hundreds, of books written on this subject, so I’ll expand this in a later blog but give you a starting point today.
As a training psychotherapist, self-care’s a big deal. If people delivering therapy see a long line of souls in pain, we pick up some of that pain. I’m trying to get better at this because it’s a part of fostering resilience (series of blogs on that subject here: https://understandings.ca/2020/05/06/resilience-the-bounce-back-virtue/)
To begin, researchers are dividing self-care into five categories which I’m remembering as SPIES: Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social health. To consciously begin work on better self-care, audit each of these in the morning and evening. This doesn’t have to be a long or involved process. Just think about how heavy or light your heart feels and what might help (spirit); how you have treated yourself in terms of food, sleep, and exercise (physical); whether your thoughts are supportive or destructive (intellectual); how you’re feeling i.e., blah, happy and light, heavy and down…; and finally, who you’ve seen, how you’ve treated them, and how they have treated you.
Those are the two typical backslides during the repair stage. Above, I noted that Melemis (2015) described the stages of work, associated with the repair stage, as developmental. This is a critical point because we tend to cease our developmental processes (toward self-actualization) when we commence addictive behaviours. Poignantly, if you were attracted to addictive behaviours, you probably had some challenges at home meaning boundaries, socializing, and self-care are new to you by the time you come to know yourself in recovery. It’s a lot to deal with but the reward is living the examined life of a self-responsible adult.
Next week—the third and final stage of recovery.
Dan Chalykoff is working toward an M.Ed. in Counselling Psychology and accreditation in Professional Addiction Studies. He writes these blogs to increase (and share) his own evolving understandings of ideas. Since 2017, he has facilitated two voluntary weekly group meetings of SMART Recovery. Please email him (danchalykoff@hotmail.com) to be added to or removed from the Bcc’d emailing list.
References
Melemis, S. M. (2015). Relapse prevention and the five rules of recovery. Yale Journal of Biology and Medicine 88, pp. 325-332.
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