17 February 2021
Life serves up coincidences. Within a few days of publishing last week’s blog, on the cost of compassion, I was made aware of a Western University professor’s work on this very subject. When I wrote the piece, I was writing my gut’s response plus some of what I’ve integrated from philosophy and psychology thinking, “No, compassion isn’t free—it’s costing someone serious effort.” Turns out my gut was good.
Dr. Susan Rodger teaches, and practices counselling psychology and spends a good deal of her time trying to improve the mental health of teachers and consequently the mental health within classrooms and other learning environments. She created a timely YouTube video on a phenomenon called compassion fatigue. When I looked around to see if this was a circulating concept, Google Scholar returned “…155,000 results in 0.05 seconds.” (Just a bit quicker than my own research time.) Here’s what Dr. Rodger had to say.
Teachers, and presumably other helping professionals, can hit burnout periods. After a constant barrage of doing for others, Dr. Rodger says we need to protect ourselves since we are no longer able to care anymore. We feel helpless because we can’t help. Have you ever heard a better negative advertisement for the benefits of self-care? And while all of this was interesting and gratifying to learn, her final point is at least as significant.
Dr. Rodger claims that the default response of most people, in helping roles, is to fix problems. Anyone who has lived near addiction understands this impulse too well. According to Rodger, simply bearing witness to another’s situation is actually more important than our typically fruitless attempts to fix situations we are unable to control. I equate this with a dignified acknowledgment through the eyes, a gentle touch, or simply, “That must be difficult.”
This point also speaks to me as I see people in addiction recovery groups expressing more gratitude for the group (the witness bearers) than for any other single factor. After all, the witnesses see our effort, our honestly acknowledged failures, and our victories. People in recovery groups want to see success. That’s why they’re there. There’s no zero-sum thinking in those groups meaning more success for others makes my incentive to gain health more likely. By bearing witness. Who knew? About 155,000 others!
Dan Chalykoff provides one-to-one counselling concerning life direction, addiction, and change. Since 2017 he has facilitated two voluntary weekly group meetings of SMART Recovery: danchalykoff@hotmail.com
This is so true. Our group is great at supporting each other and being applauded for efforts well done. I find our SMART group not only are supportive but empathetic, encouraging and are quick to acknowledge and celebrate even the smallest victories….(there really aren’t any small victories only victories). I personally look forward to every Monday wether it’s to share a week of success or a week of struggle. I am never judged but always heard and encouraged by all members and especially the counsellor, Dan!
It’s touching to hear that, Sue. I’m glad the group is working so well especially considering the pandemic. Thanks for reading and commenting.
This was a good reminder for myself, thank you!
You’re welcome! Thanks for reading and commenting, Linda.
Your last 2 Blogs have hit home on many levels, Dan. What great and meaningful reads. What’s more interesting is to actually see the “Default Mode” defined…since many of us are in this state, without realizing what emotional burnout we endure. To “bear witness”, we first need to learn the necessary moves of facing our situations, “…with a dignified acknowledgment through the eyes, a gentle touch, or simply, “That must be difficult.”” Redefining the “role of compassion” has become an eye-opener for me!
Regarding your comment about the default mode, Trish, there’s an aphorism we’ve all heard, “Charity begins at home.” I think there’s another way to look at it simply by replacing “home” with “self.” Some writers who’ve written about judgmental attitudes claim that judgment of others stops when judgment of self stops. Probably the very act of bearing witness requires suspended judgment. Thanks for reading and for the encouraging comments, Trish.
It’s not only the group… I’m just as grateful you’re there too.
Thanks, Allan. That’s REALLY nice to hear.
Great insights and information.
Very powerful for me and a major epiphany around a family issue.
Very very happy to have read this blog.
And made a decision!!
Many thanks, Dan.
You’re most welcome, Nancy! Nice to know they’re helping to provide insight. Thanks for reading & commenting.
This gives me some good insight as to what my spouse might be feeling at this time. Often times, we’re so caught up in our own feelings that we forget what others are going through. Many thanks for posting, Dan. I will share this with my family.
You’re most welcome, Christina. The realization (and acceptance) that our behaviour affects the emotional life of our loved ones is a milestone. Cool indeed to witness you reaching it. Thanks for reading and commenting.
I love this post! It’s a great reminder and something I need to apply to my new role at work to avoid burnout. I often try to put myself in others’ shoes to see, what I would want to hear, and at the end of the day, having someone just say they understand can be enough!
I’m glad it resonated for you, Candice, and that’s it’s useful in day-to-day situations: a double-winner!