Persist and Resist

6 January 2021

In the last months of 2020, I completed my first reading of the Stoic, Epictetus’ Discourses, which included his Fragments.  Fragment #10 is the subject of this New Year’s blog.  In that passage, Epictetus says of persistence, this is the ability to bear or endure hardships that ought be endured.  Of resistance, this is the ability to resist pleasures [temptations] that ought be resisted.  Simple to write, simple to understand, anything but simple to implement.

These blogs are most often read by people with addictive behaviours or those who love those people.  Both sets try to make some of the most difficult changes, in understanding and behaviour, that people can make. Those changes involve the persistent creation and implementation of new healthy behavioural routines while resisting the temptation to engage in addictive behaviours or nag, control, and whine about another’s addictive behaviours.  None of these behaviours leads to a well-spirited life.  Instead, they come fully equipped with an internal pull that enmeshes people in a personality-destroying downward cycle.

People who learn to persist in difficult changes, and to resist temptation, still face many adversities.  It often seems easier to become rigid in patterns of behaviour to keep the routines simple and predictable.  Those who follow rigidity can find social life challenging and unrewarding bringing misunderstood loneliness. 

The shrewd but more difficult choice is to accept, forgive, and be grateful.  About everything.  If you do not accept, you spend time resisting that which is already happening—a waste of your precious life.  If you do not forgive, you spend great swaths of time resenting that which is already part of history while fueling an emotion from which no one benefits: ruminative anger.  Finally, if you fail to practice gratitude, you fail to inculcate the habit of noticing the good and the beautiful, both of which provide essential hope.  That’s persisting.

Resisting is understanding, defining, and defending boundaries: moral, social, fiscal, and behavioural.  There is a paradox at play here.  While resistance seems a reactive response to a life event, the sustained definition and defense of boundaries allows for the creation and presence of a stronger you.  In fancier pants, becoming fosters being.  That’s resisting. Here’s to strengthening both in 2021.

Dan Chalykoff facilitates two voluntary weekly group meetings, as well as private one-to-one appointments, for SMART-based counselling services at danchalykoff@hotmail.com