16 December 2020
The last blog discouraged following emotions as a means of a well-spirited life. And the question arises: But how do we know which values to pursue if we don’t follow our feelings?
Psychology doesn’t claim a full understanding of emotions. Yet in the last century, progress has been made. Nico Frijda argued that fundamental emotions, like fear, have been at the intersection of biology and cognition for a long time. Most of us have experienced the fight-or-flight response. In true life-and-death scenarios, that emotional response may save your life. However, if the situation is better met with a cool head, that same response could cost your life. Nonetheless, there it is hanging on through millions of years of adaptive behaviours.
What I’m getting at is that emotions are involuntary responses. Something happens, we have an emotional reaction. Versus values. With values, something intrigues or impresses us, and we choose to begin actions toward that value. Values are voluntary responses.
Around 1950, Abraham Maslow outlined the hierarchy of human needs. At the bottom of that hierarchy, where we spend most of our lives, the concerns are deficiency-based (D-needs). That is, we strive for the things we don’t yet have (perceived values) and believe we need. This hierarchy of needs include food, shelter, safety, love, community, recognition, and respect. Beyond those needs, the stepped pyramid breaks, and we move into being-based needs (B-needs). At this point, self-actualization (becoming fully you) and self-transcendence (causes beyond self) are the pinnacles of the hierarchy. Other examples of B-needs include understanding, beauty, realized potential, and improving the future. I suspect that most of our non-survival-based (everyday) emotions come from unmet D-needs.
When an opportunity for growth passes us by, we feel anger and resentment. When we perceive injustice that costs us, or our children, opportunities we believe we/they deserve, same emotions. When we are worried about our next meal, particularly if we’re parents, fear, shame, anger, and desperation are the result. And here’s the main point: pursuing the opposite emotions; joy, pride, passivity, or despondency will not get us where we need to go. However, looking at the values that lead to less fear (courage) less shame, (rational self-regard), less anger (self-control), and less desperation, (growth mindset) propels directed action. These are behaviours that enrich and protect unlike the thin cotton shelters of an emotional rainstorm.
Dan Chalykoff facilitates two voluntary weekly group meetings, as well as one-to-one individual appointments, for SMART-based counselling services at danchalykoff@hotmail.com
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