Emotions and Values

9 December 2020

In the last blog, the discussion was on the primacy of values over emotions.  Many times, in SMART Recovery meetings, I have been asked, “But what are values?”  This blog focuses on the meaning of emotions and values and the relationship between them.

Value is described as “...the worth of something” (Audi, 1998, p. 829).  But that definition is only the most concise and general description and leads to entire essays on value and value theory.  My more everyday dictionary defines value as “3. Worth in usefulness or importance to the possessor; utility or merit” (Morris, 1975, p. 1414).  Reworded, it means that those things you find most useful, praise-worthy, and/or important are your values. 

The reason this issue arises in recovery meetings is that SMART has a tool, the Hierarchy of Values.  That hierarchy, when first worked, is often a rude awakening to those new to sobriety.  They fill out their list of the things most important to them yet, despite the fact that getting the next drink or fix has been the unquestionably highest value for years (or decades), drinking or drugging is nowhere on that hierarchy. 

The importance of that omission brings us back to the relationship between emotions and values.  Rationally, in a logic-based sort of self-audit, people list the things they believe are most important to them (or sometimes what they feel should be most important to them), failing to understand that their recent lives have been lived in a way that ignores those values.  Why?  Because their lives were led by the desire to attain or evade emotions—feelings. 

For people new to sobriety, it is difficult to realize that the desire not to feel pain has been a primary driver of their addictive behaviours and, implicitly, their primary value.  This is why the Hierarchy of Values is a useful tool: it begins the necessary differentiation between emotion-driven and values-driven behaviours.  The simple truth is that any growth I’ve experienced has cost me serious pain.  I think this is a fundamental truth: prepare for short-term pain when you pursue values.  Prepare for long-term pain when you lead your life in pursuit of emotions.  And in light of this sobering truth, the Stoic amor fati, loving your fate, begins to make real sense. 

Dan Chalykoff facilitates two voluntary weekly group meetings, as well as one-to-one individual appointments, for SMART-based counselling services at danchalykoff@hotmail.com