29 July 2020
In last week’s post the relationship between identity (Who I am?) and recovery was discussed. A significantly related question, that arises in SMART discussion groups, is Why did I use? My premise is that these questions are strongly related through the following arguments:
Healthy people accept pain and emote freely. Some less healthy people deny pain with addictive behaviours. Therefore, some less healthy people do not emote freely (or accept pain). Emotional self-honesty is essential for identity formation. Addictive behaviours postpone emotional self-honesty. Therefore, addictive behaviours postpone identity formation.
While syllogisms (the type of arguments above) are unusual in blogs, they are also the basis for classical reasoning. They tell huge stories in the fewest possible words while also exposing a writer’s assumptions for analysis. Last week’s challenge was to show the relationship between identity formation and the causes of addictive behaviour. We’re partway there.
When the question, Why do people use? is queried, a well-documented Psychology Today post (Heshmat, 2017) lists seven reasons. Two of those reasons (genetics and low entry cost) are beyond individual control while five reasons offer various degrees of agentic control i.e., an individual can choose her behaviour to varying degrees. Those five reasons are cultural (think peer pressure), incremental (start with beer and end with opioids), personality (high thrill-seeking threshold, high neuroticism…), loneliness, and a desire to self-medicate. While each of those five reasons comes equipped with subtleties, traps, and quicksand, each of the five is also open to the re-formation of habits.
For example, in recovery, a frequent question is, Do I have to change my friend group to recover? The answer is that least loved response, “…well, yes and no.” If your post-addictive behavioural friend group is supportive of your recovery, and embraces the new you, yes, you should probably hang on to them. However, if you’ve been honest with them, maintained sobriety, and they continue to use actively in your presence, making light of that use, that’s a no. The issue is cultural i.e., if the cultures in which you are recovering are supportive of recovery, you have just eliminated one of the seven reasons people use. In the weeks that follow, the remaining reasons will be examined.
Dan Chalykoff facilitates two weekly voluntary group meetings, as well as private appointments, for SMART-based counselling services at danchalykoff@hotmail.com
Honesty is the key factor, here. For far too long, I believe that people have been stigmatizing (alcohol) dependency/addiction as one that is “silent” and not meant to be brought “out” or to the forefront in social groups or with close friends. This can lead to stress and anxiety with the family of the L.O. who is affected, not to mention the possible isolation/embarrassment the L.O. might feel while in the company of these individuals. Honesty is essential…almost a form of release that hopefully will bring about better understanding of addiction, dependency, and sobriety for all parties involved.
Well said, Trish. There are (at least) two types of honesty in play here: honesty with self and honesty with others. It’s almost certain that self-honesty has to precede honesty with others but they have acceptance in common. First a person accepts that she has a problem. Then there’s acceptance of the ramifications of the addictive problem, and then greater honesty with self and others. The critical issue is that acceptance and honesty take strength and personal strength seems to vary inversely with addictive behaviour i.e., the more intense the active addiction, the weaker the personal strength. All of which is to say we need to be patient and let the affected individual drive the rate of acceptance/honesty. Thanks for the thoughtful response.