15 July 2020
In the last month I was asked if SMART Recovery facilitators have a conflict of interest when two (or more) related parties attend different meetings, both hosted by one facilitator. As others may have wondered about this issue, clarification is probably useful.
First, facilitators are encouraged to be non-judgmental of all attendees. Of the facilitators I know, this is a non-issue. When someone walks into a meeting for the first time (or appears on a Zoom screen), the last thing on my mind is judgment. The first thing on my mind is understanding: What brings her here? Why now? How did he learn about SMART? Where is he in the cycle of change? Will they be comfortable sharing? Where’s the Kleenex box? These are my frontline concerns and I suspect I speak for most facilitators in this regard.
I have had whole families, partial families, and many couples simultaneously attend the meetings for addictive behaviours and/or family + friends. Here’s why I see no conflict for facilitators: focus, confidentiality, and aim.
If you’re in a meeting, the facilitator’s goal is to understand your situation and where you are in your addictive or family journey. The focus is only on those people at each meeting. In other words, even if I know your spouse and his issues, my concern, when you’re in the room, is exclusively on you, not on your spouse. Conversely, when your spouse, son, or parent is in a meeting, my focus is on him or her, not on you because s/he’s sitting in front of me.
Secondly, we are required to maintain complete confidentiality. The only time I speak of an attendee’s family or friends is when that attendee refers to them, by name, in relation to an issue the attendee may have, and I will use that name for clarity. Not only can facilitators not discuss what someone said in another meeting, we can’t even acknowledge that another person attended (or didn’t) another meeting.
Finally, and most importantly, SMART’s aim is fostering healthy individual growth. Though SMART gives guidance on improving communication, the aim of that communication may be on keeping relationships intact or tactfully leaving them. That’s your business; the facilitator’s business is helping you come to that realization on your own terms and schedule.
Dan Chalykoff facilitates two weekly voluntary group meetings, as well as private appointments, for SMART-based counselling services at danchalykoff@hotmail.com
Thank you for this blog Dan! I could have outlined this entire essay for you before reading it based on my participation in your meetings. You repeatedly remind participants that their well-being and decision making is your focus. Your professionalism is always in evidence and there have been no breaches of trust. Thank you for the reassurance, but I’m more likely to worry that you might burn out Dan!
Respectfully,
Patti
PS: I cannot help myself…I need to point out that this is exactly how the sacrament of Confession works:)
Thank you for the endorsement and for the broad understanding, Patti. Both appreciated.
It is wonderful, Dan, that you are able to offer self-help to all members of one family, regardless of the reasoning each participant seeks assistance.
If the meetings are well run, the implicit m.o. is to focus on what’s directly in front of you. Thanks for the comment, Trish.