13 May 2020
In Stoicism, from which Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is derived, there are four virtues. The first is moderation or self-control. In Eric Barker’s blogged example of the usefulness of resilience, he described an elite U.S. Marine, part of the BUD/S (Seals) in a predicament deep underwater, entangled in chains, with an explosive device in his hands. The trapped Seal believed he could no longer move.
Last week’s blog claimed the primary virtue within resilience is knowing & accepting. Using the example of the trapped Seal above, the opposite of knowing & accepting is denial: this isn’t happening, I’m not trapped, I can get out of this mess…resulting in panicked thrashing and involuntary detonation of the explosives. Story ends.
In each recovery there is an equivalent moment(s) at which point the sufferer says, to quote 12-step culture, “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m done.” Think about the psychology in play at that moment in terms of the virtue of resilience. Knowing and acceptance have just come into brilliantly clear focus for that sufferer. She no longer questions where she is in the addictive cycle nor where she is on the readiness-to-change scale. She’s there. That’s knowing & accepting.
As you can imagine, facing that squarely is utterly terrifying. It raises all manner of cultural clichés: I’m addicted to x / all x-addicts die / I’m going to die. I’ve lost all my money, all my assets, my husband, my friends. There’s no point in going on. Story ends. Both of those scenarios exemplify panicked thinking in which the fear of the explosives defeats self-control.
But, if clear thinking is guided by principled self-discipline, self-control takes over. The Seal found he was able to move one finger quite well. This enabled him to disentangle another finger…and he made it back to the surface. Unharmed. In recovery, disentangling one mess at a time, one relationship at a time, one debt at a time, one job at a time, is how we build resilience by developing and deploying self-control.
Baby steps and allowing yourself to experience the peeks and the valleys along the way.
Hi Barbara, thanks for reading and responding. Baby steps, sure, but consistently. As for peeks and valleys, be where your feet are i.e., be present but keep moving toward your destination.